The TV people were ignoring the growing war in the Middle East, the souring economy at home and other real stories of the morning to yammer happily (and possibly drunkenly) about National Something or Other Day.
I missed what we were supposed to commemorate or celebrate, so I spent the next several days wondering if the National “Day Of” Police were going to kick my door in during the night.
There are 365 days in most years, with 366 in Leap Years. I have come to the conclusion that there are at least 730 special days (732 in Leap Years) where somebody somewhere has decided we must celebrate something.
Out of curiosity, and the need for column fodder, I turned to the Internet and discovered that there is a website called whatnationaldayisit.com. To borrow a line from another columnist, I am not making this up. Whether this particular website is any more reliable than, say, the average basement dwelling videogamer who decides to be a meteorologist, I cannot say.
But I did find it fascinating that someone actually took the time – and takes the time – to create and maintain a website showing what is in the small print on your paper calendar for any given day.
Speaking of calendars, some of my younger readers may not realize this, but there are bound or stapled collections of paper marked in squares with days and numbers on them to help people keep track of important dates. They usually include a different, pretty picture for each month, so you have kind of a rotating art display on your wall. We troglodytes call them calendars, and unlike the calendar on your electronic device of choice, my paper calendar does not sell my credit card number to Chinese black market rhino horn dealers, or whatever.
On the particular day I checked the website, it was National World Kindness Day (nothing wrong with that); National Indian Pudding Day (unknown whether they meant Native American pudding, like anadama, or Indian-India, as in curry that will strip paint); National Karjon Day (I have no idea who Karjon is) and National OJD Day (I’m frightened to ask).
Interestingly, the computer program that determined it was National Karjon Day could not find a definition for Karjon, making me wonder if it’s just a massive digital practical joke. OJD Day has its own dance, however, but being crippled and at least a nominal Baptist, I have no desire to find out more about a dance, whatever the initials.
It was also National Clean Your Refrigerator Day, which was appropriate since you have to have somewhere to put the turkey you’ll pick up on National Turkey Day (Nov. 15 or 20, depending on who you trust).
There are innumerable other days as well, some worthy (Pancreatic and Diabetes Awareness) and some not so (National Sandwich Day).
National Clam Day, National Calzone Day, National Stress Awareness Day and National Toothbrush Day were all the same day, and they all seem to go together – for instance, you’d likely want to brush your teeth after eating a big mess of clams, and a good, dripping, cheesy calzone is an excellent stress reliever for me.
World Jellyfish Day? Nah. Now, maybe, World Sea Turtles Eat Jellyfish Day could be celebrated.
National Chicken Lady Day and National Housewife Day are back to back, so Miss Rhonda could legitimately have an extra weekend, if she wasn’t so busy cleaning house and chasing chickens.
Some days get all mixed up when they become secularized. The Day of the Dead, for example, is not an extended “Mexican Halloween,” nor is Cinco de Mayo meant to be a day of drinking tequila and Modelo beer out of sombreros, nor was St. Patrick’s Day intended for green rivers, tam’o’shanters and getting college-girl drunk.
I am absolutely good with Veterans Day, Armed Forces Day, and the days celebrating such institutions as the U.S. Army Airborne and the U.S. Marine Corps. Then there are the legit holidays such as Christmas, Easter, Independence Day, and Thanksgiving, with a few others thrown in between. I’m old enough to remember when North Carolina celebrated Lee-Jackson Day, which disappeared more from changing the date of the traditional NCSU-UNC baseball game than from political correctness.
There are days for things I have never heard of (Chimera Appreciation) and days I hope never to see in person (National Naked Gardening Day).
International Beaver Day is April 7, and everyone is encouraged to take a hike and go “dam spotting”. One group advises everyone to carry a “camera and carrots” in case they spot a family of beavers. I try to celebrate Beaver Days from Sept. 1 through April, but I usually wade or float, and carry a few No. 330 size bodygrip traps and snares, rather than a camera and carrots. We’ll save the carrots to put in with the roast beaver.
In July, there’s a National Coonhound Day that was founded in Saluda, N.C. I can get behind observing that one.
Who can forget the various and sundry days where hugs are supposed to be exchanged? It’s appropriate that February, that detestable month, has one of those days, since I have never survived a February without needing a hug or three.
I thought that the media had instructed us that every day was supposed to be national alternative lifestyle day, but apparently that’s in February, too, along with a day for smoking marijuana, fasting, checking your cat’s teeth and pulling the couch off the wall. I’m not going to draw the obvious correlations between any of those commemorations.
There’s maybe three days in November I truly care about – the start of bear hunting season, Veterans Day, and Thanksgiving. I for one don’t have time, energy or desire to keep up with the rest, since the three I mentioned are real holidays (well, and the birthday of the Marine Corps).
If you disagree, that’s fine. You can protest on April 18 (National Newspaper Columnist’s Day) or write a letter to the editor on Dec. 7 (which is also National Write a Letter Day).
Either way, mark it on your calendar, and have a nice day.
